Every week Gina posts quotes from all over the board…overheard exchanges, tweets, crazy shit taken out of context. It’s pretty much the most hilarious thing you will read on Fridays. I asked her to do a guest post for T&G collecting perverted/sexual/hilarious quotes she comes across. Boy howdy, did she come through!
“My friend and I came across a gigantic one-volume encyclopedia in third grade. We looked up every dirty word we knew, including s-e-x. A substitute teacher caught us and just said, ‘It can be a beautiful thing.’ We were very surprised because she was usually no-nonsense.”
“If sex doesn’t scare the cat, you’re not doing it right.”
“I don’t need a magazine. All I need is a damn mirror.”
“Sexual intercourse is kicking death in the ass while singing.”
“Did you know? Lewis Carroll took nude photographs of kids. On a separate note, in Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland there’s a fair bit of squeezing through tiny holes.”
“Some of the 1877 list of 39 signs of a masturbator: emaciation, colorless gums, boldness, and the use of large amounts of spices.”
“Everyone knows the only thing worse than chlamydia is Florida.”
“Sometimes when I’m depressed, I like to read Yahoo Answers–the section on Singles and Dating. Man there are some lame weirdos out there. They don’t know how to say no to mean boys and they certainly don’t know what the caps lock is for.”
“Dude, look at all these bruises. People are going to think you beat me. I’m just going to have to tell them we like it rough. There’s nothing wrong with rough sex unless…scratch that, there’s nothing wrong with rough sex!”
“Don’t put it on my neck. Don’t. Don’t. Don’t!! I can feel it I can feel it I can feel it! I can feeeeeeeel it!”
“Today I discovered that the shower is the only place you can spit mouthwash all over your boyfriend’s chest without looking like a complete whack job.”
“I went through this phase – Am I gay? Am I straight? And then I realized… I’m just slutty. Where’s my parade?”
Exchanges:
A: “If there are three beds in a dorm room, I’d pick the top bunk cos no one could see me jacking off. Wouldn’t you?”
B [without missing a, ahem, beat]: “Nope. Bunk beds shake.”
A: “Would you still love me if I had to get a mastectomy?”
B: “Of course I would!”
A: “I’d still give good head!”
B: “Yeah! Just don’t get throat cancer.”
(Gina is an ex hot librarian and current hot data analyst. She maintains two blogs that are hilarious observations on her surroundings: Pantyhose and Sneakers and If it were up to me…. Both of these blogs give me reason to maintain that I am living in the graphic novel/movie Ghost World, where most everyone is mostly stupid and only a select few have functioning brain cells and all their chromosomes. Gina is enthusiastic about dolls, unicorns, vegan food, and I’ve never seen her wear pants–just skirts/dresses. I admire her and she makes me nervous. Follow her on twitter at: )
May 28, 2011 at 5:32 pm |
Thanks for, ahem, having me! Your intro was divine! xoxo
May 29, 2011 at 2:49 pm |
I think Chlamydia is petitioning to be the 51st state. Puerto Rico is not amused.